the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
