Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
