you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just google imaged poop.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
