i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize