yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
