is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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