My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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