Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
