i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
