Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
