i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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