I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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