did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize