your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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