i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
