theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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