Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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