my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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