god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
