Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize