the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We just shotgunned beers for America
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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