If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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