the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
