so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
