i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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