physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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