Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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