Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
