his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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