you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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