Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
