toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
