i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
