I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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