I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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