i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
