if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
