So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
