At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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