I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
