i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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