Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
