About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
