Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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