I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
