She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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