Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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