We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
