Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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