I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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