she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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