Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
