just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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