Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
