Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
