The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
