Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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