Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
