I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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