More tranny stories later!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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