I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
