There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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