I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
