in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
