Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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