I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
