We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
