Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
