Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
