need another drink. this is the easiest way
wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize