Apparently you make a good broom.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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