I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
