Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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