I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
