I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
