At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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