office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
