alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
