I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
