Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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