Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
