I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
