Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
