I got chris browned last night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
