If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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