He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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