So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
