I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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