I just saw a hot homeless man
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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