i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
