I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
