I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize