she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
