with your own penis?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
