Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
