My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
