why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize