Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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