I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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