I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
