I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
