it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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