I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
