the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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